When I Act Interested...
...people seem to like me. "Tell me more about your job," I say, and they tell me more about their job. "Do you like what you do?" I ask, and they tell me that they like what they do. "Will you go out of town for the holidays?" I wonder, and they tell me that because they went to their parents' house for Thanksgiving, they will go to their wife's parents' house for Christmas. Later, at their home, they tell their wife that they enjoyed talking to me, and their wife says that I am "a nice guy," and then they consider friends of the wife with whom I might go on a date. It is at this point that I call them on the telephone. When they answer, I tell them to kindly put me on speaker phone. Once I am on speaker phone, I say, "You are undoubtedly the most boring person I spoke to tonight. You sell retractable shelves. And you spoke about them tonight for nearly thirty minutes. When I was talking to you, I was thinking about ways of killing myself. In one scenario I hanged myself from a retractable shelf. Your wife must know what I'm talking about. She has a very large bottom and very small boobies. Do you like her combination of a large bottom and small boobies? When you went to your parents' house for Thanksgiving, did you give thanks for her large bottom and small boobies? Did you feast on her plump ass? Her cornhole-a-copia? Did you put cranberry sauce and stuffing on her big buns? When you go to her parents' house for Christmas, do you look at her mom's large bottom and small boobies and think about how your wife's parts are going to age?" And then they don't like me anymore, because it's true: he sells retractable shelves.
This entry was posted
on 12/10/06 at 8:35 PM.
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this blog has suddenly taken a naughty turn. I can't believe you typed "speaker phone" in public like that.
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