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2/5/07
 My new deodorant smells so good that, given the opportunity, I'd have sex with me. On more than a lot of occasions recently I've been out socializing and I've moved my arm in a way that has released the sub-molecular deodes from my shirt, and I've had to stop and comment, sometimes aloud, "Someone in here smells so fuckin' good that it's making me want to have sex right now." Looking around for the sexy bitch source of this smell, I find myself amazed (and incredibly turned on) that it's me.
 
2/4/07
 ...that I'm in a classroom, sitting in the back of the second row from the left. The kid next to me, in the back seat of the first row, has been saving his saliva in his mouth for nearly 40 minutes. He shows me by opening his mouth and I see a large puddle of thick spit surrounding his tongue. And suddenly, I'm the teacher, standing at the front of the room, turning my back to write an equation on the chalkboard. There are snickers from behind me, over my left shoulder. When I turn around, all of the boys in the room are pinching their ties over their noses. And then, I am the chalk, and the teacher is writing equations with me, and I am overcome with panic, and whenever I scream, many people in the room become uncomfortable and shift in their desks.
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